Tuesday, September 15, 2009

to give or not to give - that is the question

these continue to puzzle me all the time.. first of all i need to know y pple give gifts on birthdays??
is it gratitude?? social networking?? is it a symbol of love??
i hate gifts for 4 reasons:
1. the decision of wat to give as a gift..
2. the amount of money to be spent on it..
3. the answer to the question whether we have given the proper gift
4. my philosophy

my philosophy:
i always portray gifts as evil.. the reason is that this whole gift giving tradition contradicts to the very definition of friendship or love.. for a long lasting friendship or love.. there shdnt be any expectations between the 2 persons involved.. on your bday.technically speakin.. u shdnt be expectin anythin other than love.. coz best friends hav this understandin n it need not be conveyed through a stupid non living thing or crazy living thing(pet animals).. wenever pple give me a gift.. i feel like they r saying

"u totally forgot about me"
"hey.. am ur friend too"
"hope u like the gift n induct me into the hall of best friends"

only acquaintances need to give gifts..best friends need not do that..
i hav my best friends bday comin up in 2 days.. the gang has gifted me with 2 gifts under his compulsion.. so the obvious question.. shd i give him a gift or not.. looks like i will have to break ma rules..


Bharathi said...

I was also thinking like you before a while. But my opinion changed.

There are two kinds of gifts.

1. Monetary
2. non monetary.

The monetary gifts given in the occasion of marriage and family functions are to share the burden. For running such a big function, one needs money. This is a help given by the relatives and friends. If one person has to spend 1 lakh, it would be difficult. But if hundred persons share the money, no one will feel the pressure. In turn it is essential for us to share their burden in their tough time. I don’t feel anything wrong in this system.

Second comes the non monetary gifts. If a person gives gift just to improve his identity, I dont like this. But if he gives it to make the beneficiary happy, then I term it as a sign of love. I like this.

soin said...

usually i dont give gifts personally.. but when as a group we give thats ok you know.. like in twelth we knew after this we might not get to meet again.. so each guy got a good gift for his bday..and my parents get me a gadget a year and i get it more or less during oct..free

VISHNU said...

@ bharathi.. ya i can accept the gifts on marriages coz its happens only once in a lifetime(exceptions exist)..but bdays r yearly.. n even in marriages it is the relatives who give the money.. if am goin to a friend's marriage i would surely give a gift rather than money..
for non-monetary,the point is at times it is hard to differentiate between the fake and the real.. so in this case.. i stick to "nothin is better than something" policy..

@soin.. tht is acceptable.. n parents are a totally different case man..

Vipul Grover said...

I have the same philosophy buddy.. I can second all the points raised by you here. I neither give gifts to my close frnds nor expct it frm thm.. But wn thrs a frnd who does gift me (evn wn i resist), i have to giv him gifts in rtrn wn his/her day comes!
Wn in college, it was more like a group activity as 10(rather 9) of us used to contribut while gifting one amongst us. Evry time 3-4 were designated to choose the gift.. so it was ok in tht sense:)

VISHNU said...

@vipul..thts wat is happenin here too..

SG said...

It is only the thought that counts...gift or personal greetings at the appropriate day.

Hopeless Romantic said...

more than the gift, i hate giving n taking the bumps on the bday...i think its an absolute ridiculous concept....and its a vicious cycle...u give it becoz u got it...


VISHNU said...

@amit.. looks like u gave as much as u got during college..its a stupid concept.. but it gives good memories.. so i kinda like it.. did u read ma previous post.. i had explained abt bumps too..

Insignia said...

You are quite right. If a gift is given for the sake of it, so it becomes kind of obvious for you to return the gesture. Thats stupid.

Naveen kumar said...

those who deserve gifts dont expect gifts ... its that simple

VISHNU said...

thts would be the majority..

p.s: checked ur blog.. quite interestin.. n i liked ur modification of the newton's 3rd law..

Anonymous said...

Hmm I believe in gifts.. they need not be costly or something great.. but even a very small token of love has a deep impact on me.. this yr, some of my usual frnds forgot but my frnd whom I havent met from almost 2 yrs sent me a gift.. I cannot explain how happy I was.. it just explained that he remembers me and remembers my bday and most importantly, that he cares for me.. this is why we give gifts..

VISHNU said...


dont u think a birthday wish is far more greater than a gift..

to support my argument.. there is one more proverb..

"the pen is mightier than the sword"..
i mean words are more powerful..
but not gettin wished on ur birthday by ur friends is a very bad feelin.. it just reflects the busy world n forgetfulness of humans.. so we shd also be forgetful n forget that..

Anonymous said...

wishing everyone does.. people who dont care for us, see the orkut thingy and just for the heck of it wish us.. but gift is given by only the closest ones, who really care for us and feel that our bday is worth celebrating..

VISHNU said...

okie.. u hav officially drawn me into this fight..

if u live nearby to the bday boy/gal.. u could go in person n wish him n celebrate his/her bday with a cake/party.. if the person is far off.. i think a birthday card could do or a personal phone call shd be enuf.. plus u shd know by now who is the fake wisher n the true wisher..
n plus y do u care whether the fake wisher wishes u or not.. the point is the persons who give gifts are in most cases turn out to be fake wishers(somethin from ma experience)..
u can hav a look at bharathi's comment above or maybe this

Anonymous said...

hmm okay okay :P agreed.. hehe.. but I like giving gifts to my friends always :D