Monday, July 12, 2010

Making fun of pune

Its been a very very long time.. blogger blocked at office.. no net at home and am on the roam always.. no time.. although i blog at cognizant's blogs which u guys cant view i guess.. so i'll be posting whatever i post there here too.. lets start with some humor i say..

Disclaimer: The below post is targeted at an open minded audience.. It has been rated by the blogging censor board as U/A with more emphasis on the A.. Its totally upto the readers’s discretion now..

A true chennaite guy working in pune mostly tries to make fun of either the people or the culture.. This time he happens to notice all the hoardings and funny names on the way from hinjewadi to warje on the mumbai-pune national highway.. sitting on any window seat on the right side of the bus, one could note the following in the very same order.. most of them are adverts for constructions and speciality homes or the names of restaurants.. here it goes..

1. Honey’s Punjabi Spice Hotel /* an oxymoronic hotel.. how can there be honey and spice in a punjabi hotel?? looks like the owner is a kashmiri who makes good kashmiri pulavs..

2. Now get a window seat for all -eisha /* consider a bus.. how can everyone get a window seat.. rather consider an auto.. there are only 2 window seats.. these advertisers are fooling people to the core i say..

3. Apostrophe homes /* i just hope that they dont make catastrophical homes..

4. Some pleasures are personal /* ya right.. if i could ask the advertiser who got this tagline jus 1 question i would ask.. “would u care to elaborate??”.. a tagline can be abstract but definitely not this abstract which can lead to a lot of ambiguities.. just notice the “some”.. i dunno whether i should elaborate..

5. Add spice to your flavour /*no comments

6. Why go out when there is a sport inside? /* do they intend to mean the “instrument” when they say sport inside.. which implies they prefer the m-word over the s-word.. and yet again they are trying to convert us into couch-potatoes..

7. Live with natural airconditioning /* i say “get out the house and go for a walk”

8. After the Royal duties, u deserve some kingly leisure /* what royal duties?? what kind of leisure is kingly??

9. Punjab Exotica /* excooz mee puleese.. erotica?? Do punjabis want us to make fun of them?? Or are they really that stupid..

10.VITS - Guest Best Rest /* Ah.. Next..

11. The best: SAI ERECTORS.. /* Russell peters style “so i go inside the office and ask ‘hey buddy, i gotta problem err.. down here.. i heard u guys are the best in the business.. so could u like umm.. erect it’ and those would be the last words i would ever say in that office..”

P.S: The comments have been added by the author’s alter ego.. so just make sure you read them before the author finds out..

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Philosophical highness, ur highness

2 random thoughts after getting pretty high..

1. the occasion is my bday party which was in february.. drunk enough to be sane and high.. some topic about religion came by.. i started thinking abt the relation between god and luck.. when i told my dad.. i dont believe in god or his mind games.. he said "even though u control ur life to a maximum extent, at times u kinda feel that some supernatural force intervenes and takes the control out of ur hands".. i kinda agreed and said "that is what pple call luck".. he replied by saying " wats wrong in pple calling it god".. the discussion stopped since it was going nowhere.. so its like this.. even though our life is under the control of ur own microprocessor, a master controller always exists.. speaking technically, the god human relation is analogous to the master slave system.. a potter is an artist who amazes me a lot.. consider the potter to be god.. man is represented by clay.. the potter with his fingers tries to shape the clay.. the fingers could be said to be ur parents, friends.. all those who make what u are.. i would say it is the potters decision to introduce the right fingers at the right time in order to make the perfect pot.. the potter also has a tendency to screw up the pot either accidentally or purposefully.. as always, my mind routed to the movie matrix.. a purposeful screwing up is made by the potter coz that what humans seek which was the result of the first matrix.. they dont want complete happiness.. an accidental screwing up maybe compared to as a glitch or bug in the matrix.. no more complications hereafter coz we went to tapri.. free..

2. the classy second time grassy experience.. i was literally blabbering anything and everything to sundar in the terrace.. then we came down.. me and sundar played pocket tanks deluxe.. almost everytime sundar will win.. in a situation where i was unable to literally hold the mouse and change power and direction, i won all the games.. talk abt irony of the game.. then played with soin successfully hiding my highness.. won of course.. came outside the house to stand in front of the gate to chat with sundar again.. the street light is glaring.. unable to see it directly, i bend down to see my shadow instead.. while i was still jabbering, this parallel thought process was running in my mind.. a shadow is a portrayal of ur outer face.. the mask that each person is wearing is ur shadow.. the real body is ur inner true self.. although u feel there are a lot of similarities between the inner self and the masked zorro, think again coz the shadow and the body have a very small intersection.. if there is an action or a cause, which will give the reaction or the effect - the shadow or the body.. after death, the shadow remains where as the body disappears.. who to put the blame on -  the Creator or the Creation???

i'll finish off with some thing which happened few minutes back.. went to tapri.. mama(shobhith) was totally high.. it shd have been the purified water or the smell of tea coupled with exam tension.. these are the things he said..
1. gandhiji said "after u throw stones at some 1, u shd go and kiss them" (for throwing pebbles at a dog)
2. mappu, yellow kottai da mela.. (referring to the street light)
3. mappu, nakku kulla otta.. (hole in the tongue)..

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Blister Exists

Me and my dad rarely do this "guy talk"..once.. he told a peculiar thing about marriage.. i dont think its an experience from his personal life.. maybe from his experience of having seen so many married people.. he stated that life after marriage is divided into 3 phases.. enthusiastic phase, boring phase and rest of ur life phase.. the first phase is very obvious.. the couples get to know each other.. they have sex.. they get a child.. life goes on as they take care of their child.. this phase could be very short if the couple decide not to have a child right after marriage.. then comes this time period where each becomes kinda sick of seeing each other's face daily.. my dad said that if the couple dont have any common interests.. then this period can be very very boring and may lead to a divorce.. if u could cross this phase then the rest of ur life shd be pleasant.. now i should be a total idiot if am goin to talk abt marriage so early in my life.. so change of topic..

i have noticed that common interests have played a major role in most of my friendships.. i feel that more the common interests, thicker is the friendship.. most of u may disagree with this at first sight.. but its something thats always there and we've just blindly failed to notice it..although there are exceptions, almost all my close friends will share atleast 2 of the following things..

1. football
2. rock/metal music
3. socialism in the form smoking and drinking

this is the situation now.. the first 2 have been ever present.. but the 3rd one started only in the 3rd year of my college.. when i try to resolve order out of chaos given an everchanging me and everchanging acquaintances .. i just hit the great wall.. so its like this.. i wasnt like very close to the socialism people at that time even though they belonged to "the gang".. but now things have changed after i started socialism.. i have become close with few.. i have totally lost touch with few.. what is the cause for this blister.. this aberration.. is it just me or is it the circumstances is what puzzles me the most.. atleast i know the answer as to why we follow this common interests policy..
figuratively speaking, suppose you are stuck in a desert.. would you be happy to see a human or any animal?
we tend to be happy surrounded by our own kind; people who have the same mind set and interests as ours rather than different people..

confused, i leave u confused..
                                      -- confucius

Monday, February 15, 2010

gate pass

This one is a little old.. its back from the drafts.. so i am mixing it with the latest info..
Last sunday i learned a lot.. since i didnt want to waste the already wasted 800 bucks.. and since a dirty mind shd never be kept idle.. i went to write the gate exam as a time pass and to keep my mind working.. i had to go alone since i had a different centre.. took bath and started off early.. i kept on thinking that my centre was at bata, raipur instead of kapa,raipur.. google maps screwed me big time and i was lost.. so went and got a cigarette.. asked the shop guy itself for directions.. while he was trying to explain.. another guy who was smoking there intervened and asked me whether i was going to write gate..after my affirmation.. he offered me a ride.. i gleefully accepted and he dropped me off some 200m back.. told tata and walked.. found the centre,  but none from my college.. scavenged the area for another tea shop.. having a puff before an exam seems to be my lucky charm.. i got a personal high this time in 7th sem.. consequences of the lucky charm.. i knew i would not no anything technical.. so straight away went for the aptitude.. finished it right away.. too much of analog circuits.. all i could was transistors.. at one point.. i was stuck in finding the inverse laplace transform.. cursed myself.. finished it early.. was observing the reactions of fellow roommates.. the girl sitting next to me had done an aptitude question wrong.. helped her..see generosity.. she thanked me after the exam and i was jus talkin to her till we came outside.. the villain(read: her dad) was waiting outside.. left n came off.. what a way to celebrate a stupid day..

was full of guilty consciences that i didnt give the deserved respect and dedication to engineering.. engineering has taught me so much in life.. but nothing related to engineering.. rather than saying i am not fit to be an engineer.. i would say.. i should have never tried to become one.. i had so much interest in biology.. am a total admirer of the human body.. its so vulnerable to any attack but still we live on.. the complexities of the human brain puzzle me all the time especially during booze.. having got 93 marks in cbse biology with an out and out IIT preparation is something to be proud of.. i shd hav bcum a doctor.. i still wonder y i did not give any medical exams.. left them all.. so here i am coz everyone told me that only an idiot would leave an engineering seat in an NIT.. i hav come to the very end of it.. i always felt that till school, my life was never in my hands.. although it was in proper hands, no one wants it to be that way.. atleast now am contolling it.. but things are jus not going the way intended.. listening to "to live is to die" by metallica now is jus so soothing to the ears..

as i say tata.. i leave u pondering over these lyrics from motherjane..

We’ve all wondered why
Destiny picked us to cry
Why faith has to be tested,
And life doesn’t turn out the way intended

some bunch of information:
2.funny story

lesser known facts of the day coz research says so..
1. Men are more emotional than women after marriage.. (/* so are u gals happy??)
2. Men are efficient shoppers than women (/* the word is efficient and not addictive)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Thing That U Should Not Do

Some things are never told in a direct way.. since this being a blog, am forced to tell this in a very indirect way.. its upto you to guess wat all this is.. now the below shit comes from a mahn who hasnt touched blogger for about 50 days.. so think twice before something crops up in your mind..

There are some things which we should not commit to when other people advice that its a bad thing.. but the human mind doesnt think that way.. after all what is good and what is bad is totally relativistic.. your curiosity takes control of your mind and you tend to perform the so called "bad thing".. the problem with me is that kuriosity always kills my kitty.. so there is never a "no" from my side.. n plus wats wrong in being optimistic is my argument.. watever happened has happened.. so here it goes..

The very first reaction would be your heart pounding really fast.. it will be like having high blood pressure.. a moment later you shd be able to feel your heart vibrating.. heart is such a puny organ.. but its a mini nuclear reactor.. it will be like you are holding your heart on your left hand.. next,you could feel your own breath.. the lungs puff up like a big balloon and deflate slowly.. its jus another complicated plastic cover.. your eyes dont obey your commands anymore.. you try to focus.. blurred vision is your result.. you feel that ur vision is blurred, but in reality u can see crystal clear.. this ambiguity in insanity puzzles me.. your legs start to weaken.. it would probably be better to sit down.. but thats where u r wrong.. u shd always stand against it rather than bowing down to it.. u better take control of the situation now.. or else its gonna pull u as quick as quick sand.. the meltdown starts now.. u feel that ur neck is shrinking.. ur jaws are totally hollow.. u could even touch ur voicebox with ur dry tongue.. ur lips were never so dry.. u try to make it moist by licking it with ur tongue.. another wasteful effort of rubbing sandpaper against sandpaper.. ur mouth is a mini sahara desert with not even a single oasis.. the clock is ticking.. the mind wanders.. the movie buff in u makes u think that u r "The One"(Arrgh.. metallica again).. u tend to think that u are capable of controlling anything with your mind.. u soon find out that even ur body parts are refusing to oblige.. ur alterego crops up and says "hey.. we aint in any matrix and u aint the one".. reality has hit hard on you.. u have become prey to the predator.. the scavengers are performing the last funeral of ur mind..elsewhere, ur lips are now like leeches stuck onto the epidermal aberrations.. even they might fall off any second owing to the scarcity of water.. the quench of water thirst is ur priority among other thirsts.. alas!!.. a water bottle with water in it.. u gulp down water very quickly as if u r seeing it after a long time.. but wait.. something's different.. the water seems to be taking a stroll along the walls of the esophagus.. its even traveling along the gastric walls..u could feel the length of the esophagus and the size of ur stomach at the same time.. its a beautiful feeling.. with so much good, comes bad.. in the end, all you can do is vomit which is an obvious outcome of a body-mind coordination failure..

P.S: thanks goku and mj.. thank u for letting me do this..
P.P.S: Am back.. time is wat i need to catch up with all your blogs..